Friday July 15th 2005. (4.30am even earlier then the other day)
Dad spent most of yesterday sleeping and when he was awake he was very down and sometimes confused he just couldn't get his head around where he was even though he remembered other things about the here and now, like the nurse visiting in the afternoon.
As well as dad being tired it also caught up with me and I felt like I could sleep for a week yet when I went to bed last night (thursday) and I went to check on dad at 2.30am I went back to bed and couldn't sleep. Either the mind or the body can be so cruel at times you would have thought they would have taken advantage of the quiet spell and got some sleep while they had the chance but no, I was tossing and turning and so's not to disturb hubby I got up at 3am.
Made a cup of coffee and watched a tv programme that I had taped from the night before then answered some emails, 2 in particular they were to the very nice people that made a comment in my last entry of my blog, thanks again Myriam and Mark your comments were much appreciated.
Even though I don't want to lose my dad I keep thinking when is all this going to end? So that he doesn't have to suffer anymore.
When he is alert and "with it" he's so frustrated that he can't get out of bed and it makes my heartache to see him this way and no matter what I say it doesn't help him the frustration is still there, to be honest I think when he is confused it's better for him as he doesn't think about being "trapped" in bed and he is off in a world of his own and at times that can be quite amusing to everyone including him, we don't laugh at him but with him.. I am going to be so lost when he goes!